When I took Gary hostage, I didn't know he had Hepatitis C, or that he used to hook around Hillcrest for meth. He was three years sober when I met him. He was such a nice guy - slow, brain-damaged - but sweet.
I was pretty lonely after finally leaving #1 (what I thought was) for good and having sex with a couple of guys who'd choked me, scratched me, and slammed me into walls (#15 and #17).
I had also gone on a date with a guy (#18) who'd told me he was a sex addict while we were eating dinner at IHOP. I told him that I was a sex addict, too, but that I was in recovery and wanted to change. So I didn't see him again after that.
I didn't want to have sex with Gary, but I wanted him to come home with me after the recovery group's Christmas party that we were both at. My-then-sponsor/former-OC-model Jane had taken him hostage plenty of times, so I figured I would, too. Neither he or I liked her, so, it gave us a chance to vent our shared frustration over this woman who was verbally abusive, full of pride, and deep down, very, very damaged.
We played guitar and piano for awhile, and then we talked about Jane...all night long. We finally fell asleep around 4:30am, curled up on opposite ends of the bed.
The next day, I called Jane, and when she started cussing at me, I used the night before as a source of strength to drop her as my sponsor. I picked my son up from his dad's, and, after a long nap, drove us 600 miles north to visit my sister and her family for a week. I obsessed about Gary the whole time I was there. When I got back, I took him on a date to see The Hobbit and to dinner at Jack in the Box - my treat.
Then I took him to my house and kept him there a couple days/nights. He told me his story, in detail. I found that I genuinely cared for him, but at the same time, I realized that I was just using him to help me not feel lonely. So on the third day we talked about how we probably should stop what we were doing. He acknowledged that he was probably using me, too, and we didn't want to use each other any more.
But I still obsessed about him for almost a month after that - until I met #20.
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