"No Labels...just Life" blog: China Ends One-Child Policy - Can Population Control and other Human Behaviors be Explained (and even Changed) by the Study of Sociobiology (a.k.a. Evolutionary Psychology/Behavioral Ecology/Darwinian Anthropology)?

China Ends One-Child Policy: https://www.yahoo.com/news/china-ends-one-child-policy-xinhua-105107793.html

I was shocked (in a good way - like when you hear a choir singing a sustained high Do together, with lots of vibrato)...until I saw that they changed it to a two-child policy, and only because the guys who made the policy are now old and dying and don't have kids to help them not die.

Suckas.

Ah, sociobiology. I wonder how many humans out there are keeping an eye on how we're affecting our own evolution? I know Robert Wright is one, and I'd like to see who else is. The act of humans not letting other humans live (forced abortions...can you imagine?)...that's an interesting one to me, and it manifests in all kinds of ways. I lean towards thinking that we would want new thinkers in this world to help solve the problems we older folk have created, but, I suppose if the little ones are using up "our" resources, evolutionarily speaking, I can see why people would resort to population control. But then, why not control the way we consume our resources? Why not preserve enough resources - even add resources - so our kids aren't left with a barren planet, and we can actually let them live - and they can take care of us when we're old and dying, the way humans have done for so many years?

When our own selfishness (not judging, just using the word) and trying to survive in our youth ensures our own death as we age...it's a problem. Or is it...?

And I just realized I need to watch some Star Trek....

But first, I want to rant a little more. Or maybe a lot more (hold on there, this could be a long one).

Kids are the future...and they'll evolve to handle whatever we leave 'em with. One key difference between humans and animals is that, because of our ability to choose to live in a way that's counterproductive to our own survival (not that we always do, just that we clearly have the ability to make that choice, with suicide as the most obvious example), we can change the course of our own evolution: we can mete ourselves out via the choices we make. But isn't that the opposite of what we're "supposed" to do? Animals seem to tend to stick with the program; nature follows its course whether they want it to or not...well...because there's no "wanting" for anything other than what they've evolved to want, which is survival and procreation. But...we're different from animals...aren't we?

Before we say whether population control is "bad" or "good" (well, okay, I was leaning towards "bad," but, as a scientist, if I'm wrong, it doesn't bother me - we just like to know what "is")...let's take a look at a disclaimer that Robert Wright, author of The Moral Animal: Why We Are the Way We Are - The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology uses at the beginning of his book. Wright poses that, when speaking of evolution, first we should separate the "ought" from the "is"-- and he's using an "ought," of course, but that differentiates a human and the science that explains the human. When we begin to explain our actions as a species, sometimes it may seem that we're using that explanation to excuse our actions as a species. And this is why evolutionary psychology, or any of its interchangeable nomers used as euphemisms, has received a bad rap, from ideas like "social Darwinism" as put into practice by people like Adolf Hitler (besides also having seemingly anti-religious implications, but I'm going to have to save that for another discussion; I'm a Christian Evolutionist, and that freaks people out).

To quote Wright, "[N]ature isn't a moral authority, and we needn't adopt any 'values' that seem implicit in its workings -- such as 'might makes right.' Still, a true understanding of human nature will inevitably affect moral thought deeply and, as I will try to show, legitimately" (10). 

There's more. But speaking of evolution, typing out quotes from the book in your hand is so old-school. Evolution, technology, digital photo, *poof*...

When Robert Wright makes the case for evolutionary psychology as a legitimate science by saying, "Hey, understanding this can help us as individuals, and as a species," he's playing upon our very instinct of survival itself...and for me, it's worked. But he wasn't even the one who introduced me to the idea. My last boyfriend, who graduated with his B.A. in Psychology, gave me the book (well, let me borrow...and then broke up with me...so I'm keeping it :P) after I had presented him with my own ideas about it. The very study of evolutionary psychology, I'm convinced, is one of the things that's saving my life right now. My survival instinct is causing me to read about survival instinct. Makes sense, really. But will it work?

To what extent are humans able to change their ways? To what extent are all of our choices already governed by the laws of biology and sociobiology? 

For example, both addiction and mental illness are fascinating phenomena, especially through the lens of sociobiology (again, interchangeably, evolutionary psychology). Are some of us simply programmed to kill ourselves to carry out natural selection? And in the case of murderers and rapists - those who take the survival and procreation instincts so far beyond their (seemingly) necessary purposes - is there something in their genes that, evolutionarily speaking, just needs to be passed on? 

I began pondering the implications of evolutionary psychology and how natural selection applies to humans when I, a recovering alcoholic/addict diagnosed with borderline personality, bipolar, and anxiety disorders, experienced a 6-month suicidal depression that ended only after I was brutally bound, blindfolded, gagged and raped in April of this year when I answered a Craigslist ad that was misleading. It was supposed to be a modeling gig, and yes, maybe I should have known better, or made a better career move, but I'm less concerned with judging the whole thing as good or bad than with examining it scientifically. And maybe that's my programmed way of dealing with the trauma so I can continue to survive...unless natural selection just really has it out for me.

After the rape, I went into intensive therapy, picked up mixed martial arts, and got a job helping disabled people, all of which empowered me as a human being. And one morning while I was practicing my Kenpo, Tai Chi and Wing Chun behind my apartment complex (I did say "mixed" martial arts, lol), after I had happened to read the first few pages of Darwin's On the Origin of Species as a bedtime story the night before, I thought to myself,

"Why was my brain trying to kill me for six months? Am I not useful to the species, or something? And why did that guy have to rape me? He was certainly an alpha male...top Air Force rank...rich...Carlsbad mansion...is he just hard-wired to pass on his DNA at any cost?"

I thought of the juxtaposition between alcoholics/addicts/the mentally "ill" and rapists/murders (who should probably also be labeled "mentally ill," if you're willing to slap that label on people who don't murder and rape...just sayin'). I thought to myself, "To survive or die, to procreate or not...what if every single choice we as humans make leads to one of these ends, and what if it's all decided by natural selection?"

I meditated on it while feeling my body's fluid, slow movement, keeping every muscle in my consciousness as I held two full glasses of water in each hand, blindfolded, taking the far-reaching, balanced steps that I had learned as part of the "Kenchunchi," my thighs burning with an intensity that called for constant concentration...except my mind kept wandering.

"How are human addiction and human instinct linked? Could biological evolution be responsible for the immutable 'addictive nature' in certain humans, who are bodily and mentally different from their 'non-addicted' fellows? Might the 'addictive nature' be an adaptation or a variation working towards the aims of natural selection, either for a human's survival, or against it? Since humans have the psychological ability to make choices either aligned with or that conflict with their natural instincts, either leading to the survival of the individual and species, or, against it (leading to death), how does this ability to choose shape human evolution differently than the way adaptations, variations and natural selection shape evolution in the rest of the animal kingdom?"

I was on a sick one, lol. And I kept going...

"Does the phenomena of addiction and obsession occur only in humans, and not in the rest of the animal kingdom? What part does the variation of addiction and obsession play in natural selection among the human species? Since choices can be made to redirect addictions and obsessions (i.e. alcohol, sex, love, food, etc.) towards other 'objects' or avenues (i.e. work, spirituality, or altruism), if 'properly' redirected, can these unalterable conditions work to ensure the survival of the individual? Futhermore, could addiction, when applied to survival, then be a variation naturally selected to further the species? If so, in what ways? Or, are non-addictive/obsessive types the ones naturally selected to further the species, beyond human choice? Are addictive/obsessive types less valuable to the human race? More valuable?"

Obviously, I'm the obsessive type...obsessing about obsession...

My final question brought me full circle.

 

"What if every single choice a human being makes is pre-determined by evolutionary psychology?"

Phew. That's a big one.

I had taken up self-defense after the horrific experience of being tied up, gagged, and forced into. It was my instinctual reaction - I wanted to protect myself. After the rape, when he was letting me dress myself, before he let me go, he bragged about his upcoming orgy with 20 women and 6 men, even inviting me to come, and he showed me upwards of 15 photos on his iPad of women whom he had similarly tied up the way he did me, except a couple of them were covered in blood. My survival instinct told me not to struggle - to stay calm, to pretend like nothing was wrong; I didn't let him know he was insane, just hoping if I fooled him into thinking I was on his side and it was no big deal, I'd get out of there alive. Because look what happened to the ones who did.

 

I went to the cops, but not until the next day, when I was no longer paralyzed from the PTSD - it took everything I had, and I screamed and cried the whole way there - and they said they couldn't do anything because I didn't struggle, and, because yes, I had showered first thing when I got home - so no, they weren't going to bother. The cop was a dick to me, too...he was even hitting on me in the interrogation room. No evidence, just my word for it which apparently isn't evidence enough in this country - yay, let's protect rapists. Obviously I'm still working out my resentment from the experience. But one of the things that helps me with that is realizing that these men are propelled by instinct...and so am I.

 

But for the six months prior, I had wanted to die. So I was actually grateful that the experience brought me out of my suicidal depression. Suddenly, when faced with that real possibility of death, and the mental illnesses that had taken hold of me no longer held sway over my survival instinct, natural selection wasn't gonna take me out - not this time.

 

And I'd really, really like for it not to, if I can help it.

"No Labels...just Life" blog: My Poor Son

My son is growing up with a slurry of men in his life. I left his dad and then one, two,  three, four boyfriends later, I'm hoping that this relationship sticks. 

Maybe it's because I just say yes to whoever will have me. Actually, I think that's pretty much it.

Until I'm with a guy - then I latch on like there's no tomorrow, no yesterday...only right now, this...

My poor son.

I feel like a terrible mother.

I left.

I was the one.

I broke his father's heart.

And now his father is dying of congestive heart failure...

With a six-year old boy the only one to take care of him...

Because mom is off with her boyfriend.

"Which one is it this time?" his dad will ask.

Actually, that's a lie. His dad doesn't want to know any more. He just wants his son safe and happy.

So do I.

"No Labels...just Life" blog: Surviving Mental Illness - and the Stigma that Can Make it Even Worse

I watched an amazing show last night on TLC with my boyfriend and saw this guy who hadn't left his house in like ten years because of PTSD. (Click here for full episode.) My situation isn't as extreme as his, but, I have a lot of PTSD from my abusive childhood and the abusive relationships I've been in, and, I deal with social anxiety on a daily basis. I've also recovered from a suicidal depression that lasted from October 2014 to April 2015. I don't talk about it much because there's a huge stigma associated with mental illness. There's a tendency to blame and fear the sufferers, and there's the idea that these people are merely shells of human beings that will collapse under the weight of life at any moment, so it's best not to invest much time in them and to keep your distance. And maybe that's true, to some extent. I know I collapsed earlier this year and I've been slowly - but surely - getting back up again. 

Because of the stigma, I hid my depression from almost everyone. When I disappeared in March from family, friends, jobs, and church - changing my phone number, email addresses, and deactivating all social media - some people were angry with me, some were worried about me, some were both, and some didn't even notice. I do want to say I'm sorry to those of you who care for me and just want to see me thrive, even though my brain convinced me that I had nothing to offer this world and should just leave it. I also want to say I'm sorry to those of you from whom, even now, I try to hide my mental illness with the hope that you'll think I'm just a badass human being. Yes, there's a stigma, but letting you know about it is better than blind-siding you with it when I start experiencing symptoms, because there's no hiding it then. 

I'm doing the best I can - with lots of help - not to act on symptoms and function and thrive in society. It's been a year since my suicidal depression started and five months since it ended; I'm proof that you can survive and recover from any mental illness, no matter how you feel - even if, every single day, you don't want to exist any more, with no end in sight - you just have to hold on and get help (I promise, there's at least one person who's been through it and understands). And then that beautiful day comes, maybe after months, when you realize, "Hey, I've made it, and I have a purpose here on this Earth after all; I'm not finished yet." 

I didn't work at the restaurant today (I'm so grateful to have found a job making pizza, because it's simple, I'm great at it, and it's so perfect for someone like me). So, to continue to thrive as a human being, I updated my website: [deleted] (I'll purchase a new domain name in a few days when I get paid). It's simple for now, but I'm hoping to catch some work here and there using my many talents, like I was before the depression hit, and eventually it'll be full of all of the amazing things I'm doing. :)

For now, though, I'm going to do laundry, put clothes away, put dishes away, vacuum, clean the apartment, cook something, and make this a nice, relaxing place for my hard-working, amazing boyfriend to come home to. I can't believe I'm in a relationship with someone so spectacular - so I want to nourish that, too.

"No Labels...just Life" blog: Oh Yeah, I'm a Photographer...

Disclaimer: I'm having font issues. I think it has to do with starting these posts on Facebook on my iPhone and then editing them on my Blogger app and then editing them on the Blogger website (all using my phone). Okay, now that I've explained why there are so many different fonts intertwined (if you even see them, like I do), here's my post:

It's funny; I'll start to post on Facebook and then my status update turns into a paragraph. I'll never forget that friend who commented on a post of mine who said, if a post takes me twenty minutes to write, it belongs on a blog and not Facebook. It's not that I had to heed her criticism, but, little did she know, every status update has always taken me twenty minutes, lol. So, maybe that's not "normal" Facebook activity, and maybe she was right.

So, now that I'm transitioning from Facebook blog posts to actual blog posts, here's the Facebook status update I was writing just now, copied and pasted and edited to be even longer than the paragraph it originally was (and one of these days I'm going to have to thank her publicly for getting all this started, but, for now I'll keep her anonymous since there's clearly still some passive aggressive resentment, lol):

Days off are sometimes weird for me, if I have more days off than I've asked for, but, I'm an intelligent woman, and I understand that when business is slow, in order to stay in business (i.e. make money), the restaurant has to cut costs. Restaurants aren't places where cooks are supposed to be able to make a full-time living unless you're the manager, an assistant manager, the owner, the chef, or the sous chef. That's why, even though it freaked me out when my hours when cut at first, at this point, I don't take it personally. I love my job making pizza, and my bosses know that, so I'm no longer worried about my hours or my wage. I figure everything'll work itself out as long as I keep doing a good job. But on my days off, when it's not the day I have off to be with my son, I do get to thinking, "Hmm, so, I'm not making money right now...if I don't like that...and if I want to change that...how am I going to change that?" 

I've decided today is photography day. Yep! Many of you know I'm a photographer but stopped when I got steady work elsewhere, even though I had only just gotten started after taking photography at Cal State. It's time to pick my camera back up and start shooting again. Well...before that, it's time to pick up my Wordpress website-building skills and build myself a new website so I can market myself so I can start shooting again. :P

I'm brilliant, and I have so many talents - marketing, publicity, websites, photography, music, writing, editing - I could easily be making money with all of those when I'm not on the clock at my "real" job. All I have to do is actually do it. Maybe my letter to Work Ethic is being answered. Or, more accurately, my prayers...don't let me leave God out any more! 

I'll even say it again:

My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, both good and bad. I pray that you remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen.

So...let's be useful!

"No Labels...just Life" blog: In Love

When I started working at [restaurant deleted] back in July, I fell in love. I fell in love with the people, the food, the atmosphere, the experience, the building - everything and everyone. I still feel that way. I'm telling you, it's a magical place.

But I can also tell you, the MAIN reason I fell in love is because of Chef [name deleted]. I know amazing food when I taste it, I know perfection when I experience it, and I know a hard worker when I see one. My grandfather was Chief Civil Engineer at Camp Pendleton here in Fallbrook back in 1948. He built 20 acres single-handedly off Alvarado St between Frolic Way (the road he paved and named) and Emilia Ln which are still in the family. He worked on the property morning and night in between working all day as a civil engineer, carving out reservoirs, building houses, barns and bomb shelters, planting trees and plants that grew every fruit and vegetable from A to Z. He wasn't just a hard-working man, he was a genius - brilliant - and he was my example...that this is the kind of man you want in your life, as a woman. 

And so, I don't talk about it much because [choosing a pseudonym: Bernard] is very private, and, because it's a delicate situation, working under him as a pizza cook and falling in love with him at the same time. But, that's how I fell in love - I get to make the best pizzas in town at the best restaurant in town for the best chef in town (and the best restaurant owner in town; [owner's name deleted] is another brilliant, hard-working family man, and so I have nothing but respect for him as well). Chef Bernard works six days a week, morning til night, and even goes into the restaurant on his "day off" to make sure everything's running smoothly. When he's on the job, he's executing his menu flawlessly, beautifully, and quickly, dancing to music in the kitchen and having a good time, loving what he does.

Sure, some things stress him out when they don't go the way they should, and some people get on his nerves when they don't perform at his level of expectation. But that's just because he knows exactly how things should be and how they need to be executed, and you better be on board, because he's the one steering the ship. The chef at any restaurant is never the "easiest" person to work with; my former boss at [let's say Pizza Hut], where I worked on and off for a decade, used to say, "If you don't hate me, I'm not doing my job!" It makes me laugh a little when Chef Bernard is tough on his crew and they have a hard time with it, because Bernard's not even as hardcore as that former Navy hardass, Harry Marsh, whom I used to call "Mr. Harsh" behind his back...and yet, to whom I'll always be grateful for whipping my ass into shape as one of the best pizza-makers around. 

So, speaking of gratitude, I burst at the seams with it most days at [the restaurant], thanking God for landing me there, because that place, like I said, is magical. I'm even sad any time a waitress or a cook leaves, because those crew members have become like family to me, every single one of them. When you become a cook and you're good at what you do and you have the privilege of being at the restaurant all the time, and you end up at a place like [this restaurant], you can find a hell of a lot of things to be grateful for. [This restaurant] just blows it out of the water (to continue the Navy analogies, lol).

And Chef Bernard simply blows me away, every day, and I was dying to tell the world.