Satchitananda

Instead of surface-level suffering -

Getting frustrated, irritated, snapping at small things -

Go deep into gut-level, face-to-the-floor grief,

Where the inner being lies.

Get to the source of it all,

Go under the unconscious,

Deep beneath the pain and hell and terror,

And die. Let yourself die there.

After death you’ll rise,

At peace. You’ll still breathe,

But now, you are the breath,

Not the mind. Nothing terrifies you now.

The death of the self is the gateway

To Heaven on Earth. Simply created

Oneness. No desire, no fear, just

Being. Consciousness. Bliss.

Death to Self

I’ve been reading the Dr. Harry Tiebout: Collected Writings, realizing how much I’m driven by unconscious forces. I realize this over and over, always after a period of suffering, then I go back to being run unconsciously, suffer, awaken, repeat.

Dr. Tiebout is of the belief that one can achieve not merely a reduction of ego, but elimination - even if only briefly and temporarily. It requires going into one’s self - slowing down, becoming aware of what’s happening inside the body. I’ve heard this many times before by many another author and speaker.

This ego elimination is the death of the self - the “lose your life to gain it” type-thing described by Jesus. Instead of allowing myself to be propelled unconsciously by the ego in infinite restlessness, irritability and discontentment, if I take the time to go within, slow down, become aware - I may be able to achieve the death of the unconscious self that is driving me blindly into despair, repeatedly. By shining the light into the darkness, I won’t be so lost in it.

I hope I can remember this. I am going to start practicing, now. Well, for now, I’ll meditate to sleep. Then tomorrow I’ll set my timer to go off every ten minutes to remind myself to go back within. Slow down. Become aware. Allow the ego to die. Let it go. Let the “self” die. Be Who I Am.

Because I can’t take the suffering any more.